RELATIONSHIPS MIRROR WHAT NEEDS TO BE HEALED INSIDE

The outside world is simply a mirror for your inside world. If you want to change the outside you must first do the work on the inside. This includes intimate relationships with a partner and relationships with friends, family, a boss, co-worker, etc.If you’re unhappy in a relationship, realizing that you brought that relationship into your life due to your own past programming is your first step in change.

The Universe brings you relationships to match where you are. It’s like attracts like. If you’re in a relationship with a narcissistic partner then you may feel insignificant and you have to earn love.

If you’re in a relationship with someone who is unfaithful, then you may never feel like you’re enough. So when your partner cheats, it just validates that feeling of not enough for you.

Again, like attracts like.

If you’re with a partner that you feel you have to do all the work and you can’t rely on him then you may have a belief in place that you can’t rely on anyone and you have to do everything on your own. This could’ve been formed in childhood if you didn’t have a parent that you could count on.

Like attracts like.

Your unconscious thoughts and beliefs have created the relationship you are in now, whether good or bad. If you choose to leave your relationship because it no longer serves you, then you must work on bringing the unconscious conscious before you get a different result with another guy.If you choose to stay in your relationship, then working on bringing the unconscious conscious will only help you and possibly even your relationship. If you leave and don’t work on your SELF, then you will inevitably bring another man into your life to bring out the same emotions you wanted to run from in your past relationship. Things may look great on the outside at first and may be totally different from your ex but over time you may be finding the same feelings are being brought out in you in a different way.

For example: let’s say your ex never spoiled you and cheated on you often so it left you feeling like you constantly had to earn love and you weren’t worthy and enough. So you leave that relationship to find yourself in another relationship with an awesome man who takes you to expensive dinners and treats you like a princess with gifts galore. But, he always talks about himself and is extremely busy with work so there’s not much time for you in his life. You accept it because of all the other good things but over time you’re left to feel empty and insignificant again.

You feel like you’re not enough again because if he really loved you and were that awesome, then he’d make time for you and want to know more about what makes you YOU. You start to do things to earn his love and send him surprises and show up at his work with a treat to fill the void inside. You go after doing anything to fill that void. You want him to love you not because you love him the same way, but more because you are dependent upon him filling that void within yourself for you.

Until you work on being enough without any exterior circumstance holding your worth, you’ll find yourself in many similar relationships that will eventually evoke the same feeling within. Start to ask yourself why you chose the relationships you did. What emotions did they bring out in you that reminded you of emotions from your your past? Childhood?

Emotions are your messengers revealing your greatest gift to you. They are the bridge in bringing the unconscious conscious.Listen to them as they have much to be revealed to you.

Ask yourself:

1. What emotion is this experience bringing out in me?
2. When have I felt this emotion before?

This is your starting point.

Even if you’re in a great relationship, use this to serve you better when you get into a disagreement about something. A lot can be avoided when we realize relationships are mirrors for what’s going on within and our emotions are our messengers.

Your Inner Child is Running Your Life

Many of us couldn’t wait to grow up, get married, have kids and a create a family. We feel like we’re an adult finally and love the freedom of it all. We get away from the environment we didn’t exactly thrive in and now can’t wait to create our own.

We think we finally got away from our little girl or little boy self, the one that was shy, or the one that was too aggressive and got us in trouble. The one that was too chubby or not pretty enough. The one that could never do anything right or the one that was patronized for being a know it all.

Whatever it was, we unconsciously create our lives in the present often trying to run away from those past parts of our selves that we would like to abandon.

But little do we know is that they are actually still ruling our lives. We see qualities in other people that we can’t stand and we judge. But I bet if you looked closely at what it is you despise about another, it’s often going to be the same thing you don’t want to see or acknowledge in your self.

You can’t stand the needy girl at work that just can’t seem to get shit done without help while you never ask for a damn thing and make shit happen all on your own. You think to yourself how this girl really needs to get her act together and have little tolerance for her. When she asks you for something, you’re quick and you snap at her.

Well I’m here to tell you it’s really never about the other person. It’s about YOU. It’s a disowned part of yourself that you need to acknowledge. Perhaps you grew up in a family where you couldn’t be weak or you’d get eaten alive so you have zero tolerance for those that are weak because you couldn’t be.

Well here’s your message to just acknowledge that part of you and have compassion for the piece of you that doesn’t have all the answers and may need some help sometimes. Allow yourself to not have to do it all or know it all.

Perhaps the dorky girl at work drives you nuts because you just can’t imagine how someone can’t possibly know how to be themselves or do all the trendy and cool things. Well I’d say this is a clear sign to look right in the mirror and ask yourself if there’s a part of you that maybe isn’t so cool and tries a little extra hard to feel loved. Maybe perhaps you don’t always feel so “cool” in life and you want to run from your past self when all she (your inner child) wants is to really just be acknowledged and authentic.

We all have our younger selves running around making all of our decisions each day and creating our reality. We limit our adult selves by our inner 7 year olds belief system.

We create our own families and then one day realize the self we were trying to run away from is creating havoc in our adult lives and something’s gotta give.

This. Is. My. Specialty. We all try to cope and just carry on each day running from them. The way to all of your hearts desires is by acknowledging them and loving your little boy/little girl.

Picture a little girl who is trying desperately to get her moms attention but moms too busy. The little girl starts out low and then each time her need isn’t met she gets louder and louder and breaks down. This is you when you ignore your inner child. This is often what anxiety is and can result in panic attacks.

As soon as you acknowledge that little girl or boy, all temper tantrums fade and love takes its place.

Ask yourself today what it is about the person that drives you the most crazy brings out in you. Is it a disowned part of yourself or does he/she trigger an emotion or experience you’re trying to run away from?

Get real. The work I do that causes huge shifts in people’s lives all stem from that inner child. I’ve seen clients create true love for themselves after struggling at it for years in less than 4 months by getting real and taking care of their inner child. I’ve seen people create financial abundance for themselves after allowing their inner child to have the things they weren’t given in childhood and reversing beliefs.

This shit works.

Owning My Self-Worth Allowed Me to Attract Love

There’s something so special in being single because we truly get to learn about ourselves if we stop relying on others to fill us up. There are many parts of it that are so fun but when our ultimate goal is really to just find true LOVE, the “fun” parts get old! This made me even more grateful for the love I have today. But I only found real love when I learned to truly love mySelf first and learn what that really looked like and meant. I learned to discover myself by stepping outside of my comfort zone on most days after a while when I was single.

When I really needed a huge shift and felt completely stuck, I flew to Australia solo and fought lots of fears to break free from the chains that held me back for so long. In this, I showed the universe I meant business and was ready for change!! I had to get to know me and love me before I could expect someone else to.

I took a break from dating about 4 months before I met my bf and completely worked on me and changing my story after realizing what my unconscious beliefs were about my Self, love and men by who I had attracted in the past. If you really want to know what beliefs you hold, look at what you’ve attracted thus far.

When I finally ran into him 4 mths later, I had become so comfortable with who I was that I just let him in on the real me without holding much back and showed him my vulnerabilities and insecurities. It made it easier that he was younger than me and I wouldn’t take it seriously at first so I had nothing to lose in my eyes, which made me completely myself.

I was also tired of the games and realized they had gotten me nowhere good in the past and allowed myself to really be vulnerable and put my real self out there with him. So, when I met my him, I was so ME! I was the most real I ever was with any other man in my life.

I finally accepted that I deserved to be with a real man that treated me like a lady. I would often say a guy was “too nice” and would push him to the side but it came down to my self-worth underneath all the layers. Although my bf was younger, he was the most emotionally mature and available man that I was ever with. I started to let the judgment of his age go and look at him as a soul that was meant to be a part of me.

When my boyfriend would go to open the car door for me at first, I used to run to get there before he could do it because it made me so uncomfortable to be treated the way I really deserved. I had to self-talk a lot that I deserved the attention and love he was giving me before I actually allowed myself to accept it from him because I was so used to guys doing the wrong things that that became the norm.

At first, I would think there must be something wrong with him if he’s this into me! Lol How absurd right?! So, I had to change my story about myself even more so when I first found him. I had to stay true to who I was, my worth, and what I deserved at all times!

With some other guys I dated, I just let them know the parts of me I thought would make me desirable instead of who I really was all around. I attracted guys that weren’t emotionally available so that I didn’t have to be vulnerable because it scared the shit out of me to truly put myself out there.

But it wasn’t in my true nature to be a hard ass which is how I acted to protect myself for so many years, even in my marriage.

Those that truly know me now, know how sensitive and vulnerable I truly am. And with me being vulnerable it allows others to be vulnerable and to me there is nothing more beautiful than allowing other to be their imperfect selves and still love them!

And what I found is that the REAL, imperfect, me is the one that’s actually the most lovable.

I had to change my own story and realize what I was doing to attract the people I had attracted before my dating story changed. And when I did, the love I wanted and knew I deserved came knocking on MY door.

Perception is Everything

Was having a shitty morning today with a minor setback allowing fear based thoughts to come in. So what did I do? I sulked for a little. I complained for a little. I allowed myself to be in it for a little. Then I put my big girl panties back on and said how can I see this differently?

I realized I was allowing my ego, which appropriately means Edging God Out, to take over rather than returning to love based thoughts. This isn’t the ego where one thinks they’re better than everyone else. It’s the ego that wants to keep us safe, scared of change, and likes to tell our old stories to protect us. So what did I do?!

I made a DECISION to make the rest of my day the best of my day. I went on fb and my close friend posted something about setbacks! Thank you, Universe! Then, I did something nice for her and instantly shifted my mood! Next, I exchanged some emails for my business and got some really awesome feedback. After that, I decided to send more love out to all of you by being vulnerable and extending my lesson learned today! Finally, I have a smile on my face and see the whole situation I was upset about so differently!

Proof that perception and mindset is everything!! If I chose to stay in my fear based mindset, my day would’ve totally stunk.

We have a choice each day to see things through a different lens: a lens of love rather than fear. Always CHOOSE LOVE as you final destination even if you live in fear periodically! Fear based thoughts don’t feel good. They are anger, hostility, anxiety, panic, judgment, manipulation, etc. Love based thoughts are all the ones that feel friggen amazing. The smile on a child’s face explains it all. Enough said. Find them now and feel them, even if for a second.

Allowing Growth and Change

Happy Monday, Loves! It’s a new week and whole new set of goals. Love and life requires MOVEMENT. We were made to evolve. Movement encourages growth and change. Change is scary. Staying stagnant is scarier. When we change, it forces everyone around us to change.

Our ego wants to keep us safe and others around us by clinging onto the past and what felt familiar. But, the new could truly be that much greater than the now we cling onto. Welcome it without resisting it any longer. Unfamiliarity invites fear. The stronger grasp we hold onto the past due to fear, the more wounded we become.

Think of a pond stagnant with no MOVEMENT. It’s murky. Everything in it feels heavy. There’s no room for growth and life. It’s there but dead inside. Now think of a pond that’s alive with MOVEMENT. Everything is growing and creatures are flourishing. Growth is sustained. It just flows feely and is truly alive.

Ask yourself which pond you are.

Are you allowing change to help you grow mentally, spiritually, or emotionally?

Or are you clinging on to familiar and safety somewhere in your life?

Just in the acknowledgment and awareness of it, your process of change will already have begun. Make a goal to do something you’ve never done this week, no matter how big or small, allowing movement and growth. It may feel hard at first like trying to move in that murky pond water, but once you get going they’ll be no stopping your current

Deweed Your Garden and Rid of Negative Beliefs

So before the rain came in, me and my boyfriend uprooted some weeds in our landscaping. I know, why am I telling you this, right?! But I have a point here

When we think of the word weeds, it has a negative connotation right?! Like they’re the messy things that get in the way of things looking beautiful. They’re unwanted. They’re not useful. They’re invasive and the more you don’t control them, the more they’ll take over rapidly. They stop the beautiful things in your garden from growing.

They have strong roots so they need to be taken out from the root or they’ll grow right back. Well, think of the weeds as your limiting beliefs and false stories you’ve been telling yourself.

I’m not worthy.

I’m not enough.

Men are assholes.

Love is hard.

Money is evil.

Being alone is scary.

I’m too aggressive.

I don’t need help.

I’m strong and independent and don’t need anyone.

If I stay out of the way, I’ll be loved

My needs aren’t important.

Whatever they are, they’re false. They’re not absolute truth. They’ve been your truth because you’ve believed it thus far and have given these thoughts the energy they needed to come into fruition. You created these beliefs in childhood therefore they have strong roots. When problems are showing up, you can either trim the “weeds” down so it looks pretty again for a short while when you know they’ll just grow right back OR you can pull them from the root knowing you’ve attended to them at the core.

Like the weeds, these beliefs stop the beautiful things in your life. They take over your life. The more you listen to these beliefs and don’t tend to them, the more intrusive they become as they take over. These “weeds” are not useful anymore. They helped keep you safe in the past but now they’re interfering with your present. With your future. With your dreams. With your greatness. They shush your dreams and tell you they’re not possible to keep you safely clinging onto the familiar and what you know.

Your desires are given to you for a reason. They were meant to be yours. There are so many of us playing it small and allowing our “weeds” to take over our garden. We don’t go after our dreams and day after day we feel unsatisfied and bored. It’s because we’re not living our truest potential…our authenticity.

Deweed your garden. Literally. Go outside and pull the weeds out. As I pulled the weeds out today, I literally pictured any limiting belief I needed to rid of and pulled it out at its root. (My bf just thought I was a loving girlfriend looking to help him out as he worked oh so hard but I openly admit I had an ulterior motive )

It was so powerful and so metaphoric.

Then, begin to acknowledge other areas of your life that you could begin to deweed so that your own garden could grow and flourish. 🌿🌻🌸🌷🌹

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY!!!!! I used to love roller coasters but the more time that went by without me going on them, I became more scared of them. One day, my daughters went on this really scary but fun one and I reallllllly wanted to but I was scared. I wanted that “after” feeling tho of when you’re so damn excited and feel so proud of yourself that you did it.

I related it to my business and all the things that scared the shit out of me about it. So, I knew I had to go on this time as I looked at it as overcoming so many of my own fears. I used my experiences in the past with roller coasters knowing I’ve done it before and loved it and this would be no different now.

So I felt the fear and did it anyway. I just kept telling myself “feel the fear and do it anyway, Nik” like I’ve been telling myself for the last few months after resigning from teaching. It was sooooo fun!!!!!! Smiles, screams, and giggles with my daughters and I got that so proud and excited “after” feeling that I set out for!!

This is how we speak to the Universe…in action and emotions! That day I sent a huge message out and I know the Universe heard me!

Pick something today that you already did to overcome your own fears and be proud of yourself for it. Use that to help push you through any other fears you may have knowing that you came out ok in the past and you will this time too!

The Universe really is your bitch and always has your back! You just need to have faith and take the first step!

How to Step Closer to Your Dream Each Week

Happy New WEEK! Why wait and celebrate a new year when we can celebrate each new week we’re given to accomplish some of our goals?!? Some people have expressed to me the feeling of being overwhelmed with their goals. They just don’t know where to start. They have all these ideas and they get stuck in the “I’ll do it tomorrow” cycle. Think about how many tomorrows have already shown up. Where were you?

If you don’t know where to start, you can start by making the commitment to start someway or somehow.

👏🏼Research whatever it is that interests you
👏🏼Write about it
👏🏼Look for classes that you can learn more about it
👏🏼Ask people about it
👏🏼Watch you tube videos about it
👏🏼Read books on the topic
👏🏼Create a vision board/journal with all the things having to do with it on there for you to see everyday and visualize having
👏🏼Picture the new you having that life and feel what that would feel like
👏🏼Instead of listening to music on the way to work, listen to podcasts or audiobooks
👏🏼Step out of you comfort zone and go to a retreat or seminar on the topic ALL BY YOURSELF if you have to

These may not seem like big steps to you but they are huge! Think of the universe as having a signal 📡 and everytime you do something and take steps in the general direction of your dreams, you are tuning in and connecting with the universe for it to tune into that same signal and respond. It’s like a TV, you tell the remote what channel you want to watch but do you worry about HOW your show is going to appear? NO. You just KNOW that it will.

You call or text a friend and you know that you’ll reach them on the other end. Do you worry about HOW it happens? You can’t because a lot of it is beyond your basic comprehension.

USE THIS SAME MENTALITY WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR DREAMS!

It’s not your job to figure out all the HOW’s. That’ll keep you stuck where you are. The universe will respond by making life easier with weird coincidence and synchronicties. The people you need, the opportunities or the books you should read, etc. will be easily placed on your path for you.

What helped me to feel less overwhelmed by a big goal was to tell myself that I would only take one step, even a small step, towards the general direction of my dreams. This was huge for me as I put so much less pressure on myself and allowed things to just flow more rather than force them.

I pictured sending my dream up in a balloon 🎈to the universe and LETTING GO of the “how’s” WHEN IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE AND OUT OF REACH.

I was conscious of the false stories I was telling myself like it would never work, or I wasn’t good enough to do it, or good things happen only for everyone else, etc. and I flipped the beliefs and created new stories that would HELP me attain my goals. Take the first step and stick with it even if you feel discouraged along the way. Have faith that it will work out even if you have no idea HOW.

AT THE END OF YHE DAY YOU HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF:

🤷🏻‍♀️ Do you fear the idea of change or staying exactly the same more?

If you’re perfectly happy being where you are then maybe it wasn’t meant for you in this lifetime BUT if you’re bored, curious, and have a desire but are scared, then you know where your ultimate happiness is. Now get your asses going and ready to feel proud of yourself for SOMETHING by the end of this week!!

Relationships Mirror What Needs to Be Healed Inside

The outside world is simply a mirror for your inside world. If you want to change the outside you must first do the work on the inside. This includes intimate relationships with a partner and relationships with friends, family, a boss, co-worker, etc.If you’re unhappy in a relationship, realizing that you brought that relationship into your life due to your own past programming is your first step in change.

The Universe brings you relationships to match where you are. It’s like attracts like. If you’re in a relationship with a narcissistic partner then you may feel insignificant and you have to earn love.

If you’re in a relationship with someone who is unfaithful, then you may never feel like you’re enough. So when your partner cheats, it just validates that feeling of not enough for you.

Again, like attracts like.

If you’re with a partner that you feel you have to do all the work and you can’t rely on him then you may have a belief in place that you can’t rely on anyone and you have to do everything on your own. This could’ve been formed in childhood if you didn’t have a parent that you could count on.

Like attracts like.

Your unconscious thoughts and beliefs have created the relationship you are in now, whether good or bad. If you choose to leave your relationship because it no longer serves you, then you must work on bringing the unconscious conscious before you get a different result with another guy.If you choose to stay in your relationship, then working on bringing the unconscious conscious will only help you and possibly even your relationship. If you leave and don’t work on your SELF, then you will inevitably bring another man into your life to bring out the same emotions you wanted to run from in your past relationship. Things may look great on the outside at first and may be totally different from your ex but over time you may be finding the same feelings are being brought out in you in a different way.

For example: let’s say your ex never spoiled you and cheated on you often so it left you feeling like you constantly had to earn love and you weren’t worthy and enough. So you leave that relationship to find yourself in another relationship with an awesome man who takes you to expensive dinners and treats you like a princess with gifts galore. But, he always talks about himself and is extremely busy with work so there’s not much time for you in his life. You accept it because of all the other good things but over time you’re left to feel empty and insignificant again.

You feel like you’re not enough again because if he really loved you and were that awesome, then he’d make time for you and want to know more about what makes you YOU. You start to do things to earn his love and send him surprises and show up at his work with a treat to fill the void inside. You go after doing anything to fill that void. You want him to love you not because you love him the same way, but more because you are dependent upon him filling that void within yourself for you.

Until you work on being enough without any exterior circumstance holding your worth, you’ll find yourself in many similar relationships that will eventually evoke the same feeling within. Start to ask yourself why you chose the relationships you did. What emotions did they bring out in you that reminded you of emotions from your your past? Childhood?

Emotions are your messengers revealing your greatest gift to you. They are the bridge in bringing the unconscious conscious.Listen to them as they have much to be revealed to you.

Ask yourself:

1. What emotion is this experience bringing out in me?
2. When have I felt this emotion before?

This is your starting point.

Even if you’re in a great relationship, use this to serve you better when you get into a disagreement about something. A lot can be avoided when we realize relationships are mirrors for what’s going on within and our emotions are our messengers.

Love is Dangerous When We Don’t Feel Lovable

When we don’t feel that we are lovable, we push away the people trying hard to love us. We don’t allow love in.We instead block it.

We sabotage relationships, friendships, and everything in between.

Make a list of all the things about yourself that feel unlovable. Then, read each one over and send love and lots of compassion to that part of yourself. Compassion means you have an understanding of where it came from and why you’re doing it or did it.

Love means you have an unconditional acceptance.

When, more often than not, you begin to have compassion for others with an unconditional love and acceptance without judgment, you know you truly feel lovable because you’re not projecting your own unlovable issues onto them.

ARE YOU READY TO BEGIN THE PROCESS OF SELF LOVE & WORTH TO ATTRACT THE LOVE YOU DESIRE & DESERVE?