I went to bed last night feeling “different.”

I looked over at my calendar and realized I was indeed pmsing.

I slept in later than normal today and woke up and said to my husband, “I feel different than I have been. I just want to cry for no reason.” He said, “So cry.” 

Such simple permission, isn’t it? 

He gave me some time and I sat and held myself. I used my breath to anchor me and held all of my tender parts with my hand on my heart. I listened to what the fear was saying to me. I allowed it to be there and met it with grace and compassion, holding it like I would my little girl parts. 

Everything has been so great that the fear swept in of losing it all. Specifically losing the “feeling”. The “momentum”. 

I used my breath to come home to my body even more and had an instant shift of safety in my body. It was at that moment I felt completely safe and back home being in my body with the discomfort I was feeling. 

I met the anxious feelings. I met the sadness. I met the fears. I met the wanting to flee. And I held them all with compassion and presenced it all. I listened to what the fears were saying and simply presenced them. Acknowledged them. And in the allowing of them to be there, they naturally started to dissipate and alchemize. Their voices got quieter. Their grip on me lessened. My heart relaxed & opened. I surrendered to the flow of life and whatever that may be. I loosened my need for control. I felt once again free. 

The art of presencing. We so often run from our feelings or create band-aids to not feel them when the reality is they’re not as scary as we fear they will be. What we don’t presence finds a way to manifest itself one way or another in our lives. 

The work isn’t in finding a distraction. It is in being with the contraction. The discomfort. The turbulence. This is where the medicine resides. The art of being with it all. Being in & with the body. In the shrinking just as much as in the expanding. 

How you hold one will be an indicator of how you hold the other. This is showing up fully for life. Being with all that Existence has to offer. In the duality of it all. In the loss and in the gain. Always being available for both.

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intimate thoughts 

from Nikki

Get to know Nikki.... intimately.
Nikki sends out channels of the heart. She shares what’s alive within her,
along with an inspired invitation to meet your own edges
to receive love and life more fully.