Hi Loves! So nice to meet you and so glad we connected…
Four or five years ago, my life was completely different than it is today. I did a complete overhaul! I left a life that was comfortable for a life that excites and inspires me everyday! In three years, I have manifested the love of my life, my dream house by the beach that is exactly how I visualized it, and a growing, successful career that lights my soul on fire. To do this, I had to let go of a life that was safe to follow my intuition and passion. I had to trust my Self, which quite honestly was a struggle. I had to have faith in something greater. I had to become aware of my beliefs about my Self, men, love, and money. I had to allow my Self to dream BIG and become a BIG DEAL for the first time in my life. I had to take action steps in the general direction of my desires. And most importantly, I had to BELIEVE I was WORTH it all!
My story goes a little something like this…
I was born as a NY Italian-American and like any old Brooklyn Italian family, there was lots of family, love, tons of food, and even more food getting thrown with dishes being tossed. My childhood was chaotic, or like I was once told, “passionate”. I kept everything that I dealt with as a kid to myself and never thought of it as a big deal. I watched other people get most of the attention and rewards, and I just accepted that it just wasn’t for me. I sent the message to my Self that I wasn’t good enough. So when I grew up, I did what any unconscious creator would do and found myself a nice, crazy, chaotic teenage love relationship to mirror exactly the way I felt in my childhood. Insignificant. Unworthy. And Unlovable.
We moved to NJ when I was 11 years old. I always played it small and never allowed myself to really stand out and own my power. Then, from about the ages of 16-19, I was in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship. There was chaos ALL THE TIME. One day though, I finally realized I was WORTH more and got myself out of the dysfunctional relationship. I yearned so bad for a normal love and teenage experience.
I was free from ex for about two weeks to only be married within 6 months of ending that relationship to someone else. I was married at 19 and had my first born at 20 years old. I was married for 16 years with 3 awesome kids! On the outside, I had it all. A brand new beautiful 4 bedroom , center hall colonial house with a Volvo SUV sitting in my driveway by the age of 26. What I wasn’t expecting was the uneasiness and anxiety that came along with this dream life. I tried hard to fight it and work on my marriage but the stronger grasp I held, the more wounded I became. I finally let go and followed my heart and intuition.
The divorce took 6 months and the universe provided me with everything I needed. My angels were with me every step of the way. The day I got divorced I made a vow to myself to work to loving me and liking me first and foremost so that when I found my partner, we would be equals. I didn’t want a defendant relationship in which I depended on my partner to fill a void I couldn’t fill myself. I knew I did this in my marriage and I wanted to be a whole complete person coming together with another whole, complete person. So, I began working with a spiritual life coach and started to learn about the universe, energy and vibration, the law of attraction, emotions as messengers, my inner child, and the world as my mirror.
I continued to date throughout this process and this is where I learned the most about what was going on inside myself. This showed my my true self-worth by what I was attracting. I was attracting emotionally unavailable men and I did so when I was married, as well. This kept me safe because if I was with someone who wasn’t capable of being vulnerable, it wouldn’t force me to be vulnerable either. I was able to stay safe by not allowing someone to truly know me and who I truly was. truth is I didn’t really know who I was. I knew who I was told I was since the day I was born. I didn’t see myself as a big deal, therefore who I attracted didn’t either and were often very much narcissistic and about themselves.
So, after one heartbreaking failed attempt at dating, I signed up for Georgian Court University’s Holistic Health Master’s program. I applied all that I was learning into my own life and began to truly work on my own healing. I was able to understand my emotions as messengers. I released blame and resentment and understood all relationships were simply mirrors for what was going on inside my Self. I knew I was attracting exactly what I was inside and I needed to free my Self from the inside out. I saw how my thoughts and beliefs became my reality and how I needed to raise my vibration in order to attract the love that I so desired and deserved. I was finally starting to feel FREE for the first time in my life.
I honored and met my own needs. I was often alone but never lonely. I took myself on dates, began meditating, wrote in my journal, and lived with intention. I used affirmations constantly to release blocks that were holding me back. I also engaged in inner child work to give my younger Self what she needed and didn’t receive to help with this. Guided Visualization were a tremendous remedy. I challenged myself and became my own best friend. When I would date someone new, I was so excited to see where I was on my journey into self-love and healing, based on the emotions the relationship would bring out in me.
Today, I am living with and planning a future with the man I was dreaming of and he is a huge part of my kids’ lives, as well. He is my true soulmate by every sense of the word. I couldn’t have done this unless I committed to myself and dug deep to heal my self and release old beliefs that were keeping me from getting what I truly deserved.
This is my story. It is a story that I now own and love, which took me a while. The four main goals that I had for myself after I got divorced were self-love, romantic love, a house by the beach, and a career change. I had no idea how I was going to get from point A to point B, but I can proudly say I did it! I shifted my life and freed my SELF to create a life that matches who I am authentically.
In reading this, I want you to feel proud and to own your own story. I want you to know that your true love is out there waiting for you right now. Just in your desire for him, you can rest assured knowing he is meant to be yours. I want you to accept yourself, all pieces of you that made you into who you are today. The power is within to free yourself. You are beautiful and powerful beyond your wildest dreams. You are ready to create the love and life you deserve. It all starts and ends with love. Loving yourself, owning your worth, and loving all the experience that have brought you to land on my website today. I already love you. Thank you for allowing me into your world and listening to mine.