Hi there! Nice to meet you and so glad that you have landed on my page.
My story began as a NY Italian-American and like any old Brooklyn Italian family, there was lots of family, love, tons of food, and even more food getting thrown with dishes being tossed. My childhood was chaotic, or like I was once told, “passionate”. So when I grew up, I did what any unconscious creator would do and found myself a nice, crazy, chaotic teenage love relationship to mirror exactly the way I felt in my childhood.
We moved to NJ when I was 11 years old and from about the ages of 16-19, I was in a verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive relationship. There was chaos ALL THE TIME. I constantly tried to rescue my ex-boyfriend and save him from all his issues, just as I did for others in my childhood. I felt crazy and ashamed for being in such a dysfunctional love relationship and tried to keep it hidden. I didn’t allow myself to be seen in this relationship, mirroring how I felt as a kid. One day though, I finally realized I deserved better and got myself out of the dysfunctional relationship, to only be married within 6 months of ending that relationship to someone else. I was married at 19 and had my first born at 20 years old. We were married for 16 years with 3 amazing kids.
Apparently at 19 years old, I unconsciously decided being free wasn’t for me. I wasn’t ready to be seen and venture out into a so-called normal young adult world yet. I was a 20 year old wife and mommy who felt safe when things were chaotic and scared when life was calm, stemming from my childhood. I chose relationships in which I felt smothered one way or another, just as I did as a kid with an overprotective upbringing. I understand today that my childhood was a blessing because it has made me into who I am today. I let go of resentment and this opened up a new, beautiful world for me. I wouldn’t be able to help others and share my treasures from within without the experiences that were placed on my journey. No childhood is perfect, let’s face it. No matter how wonderful or sad of a childhood we have, one thing that is for sure is that it sets us up for what we attract in the future.
I grew tremendously in the 16 years that I was married. I was extremely blessed to finally live a “normal” and stable life, always knowing what to expect, even though it terrified me. The stability was so unfamiliar to me. I started to experience anxiety and panic attacks in my 20’s and worked through them, healing myself by understanding the root of them. In all this inner work, I finally no longer felt “broken”, like I did as a kid.
The Universe always did an awesome job of matching an experience for me that would pull all of my issues to the surface and help me heal. As I began to change and become more confident, not needing my ex-husband, we began to grow apart. I was growing one way and we weren’t able to grow together. The more I avoided letting go and tried to fight the knowing that the marriage was over, the more hurt and suffering I endured. I felt a strong calling to let go but was frightened until one day the fear of remaining the same became greater than the fear of change.
In this surrendering, I freed myself of all judgments, limitations, and expectations. I let go of being “perfect” for once and listened to my heart, as it always knows the way. I followed all the signs I was given and I began to connect with my Self and trust my journey. Faith and intuition became my inner GPS navigating me through my days. I allowed myself to be open and trust. I took a chance even though I had no clue where I was being led. The one thing I always knew on this journey was that I would always have me, though. With this, I knew I needed to love me first before I could expect anyone else to truly love me, without dependency. I needed to come face to face with my inner beliefs about myself and understand where they were coming from. And this in a nutshell has led me to where I am today.
I learned the purpose of my emotions. They are messengers helping to heal. Once I began to understand their message, awareness began and healing transpired. I began to understand my relationships and release resentment. Relationships are our biggest teachers, as they are simply mirrors for what is going inside of ourselves. Our most important lessons come from our most intimate ones. In this understanding, I began to have compassion for my Self. I began to integrate all the different pieces of me and love all of them. I worked with my inner child and gave her what she needed that she didn’t receive as a kid. I finally learned what it really meant to love myself, to meet my own needs and finally depend on my Self. I slowly released the chains of many limiting beliefs by sticking with some painful emotions. I unconsciously brought in experiences that helped me to learn who I was by what I was attracting. I no longer saw shortcomings or circumstances as outside of my control. I began to understand the law of attraction and how to create the life of my dreams in the present moment, just as I created the past. I became aware of my thoughts and trained them accordingly. I saw the limiting beliefs I believed in and the false narratives that dictated my life. This all helped heal pieces of me little by little. Today, I am so grateful to all those who were actors in my life, especially the ones I was hurt by, for playing their role on my big screen. This enabled huge transformations for me.
Today, I am thriving in my own skin. I live in awareness and consciously create. I align my thoughts with my new belief system. I show up for my Self and continually nurture my Self. The four main goals that I had for myself after I got divorced were self-love, romantic love, a house by the beach, and a career change. I had no idea how I was going to get from point A to point B but I can proudly say I did. I shifted my own life to create one that matches who I am authentically. This is my definition of The free Life.